


Ritual of Trust

by velocitygrass



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Jealousy, M/M, Rituals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-26
Updated: 2012-02-26
Packaged: 2017-10-31 18:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/347271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kissing your teammates is kind of awkward, but as far as rituals go, Rodney has seen a lot worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ritual of Trust

**Author's Note:**

> Includes kisses among the team for all possible pairings.

As far as native rituals went, this wasn't a bad one.

Sure, kissing your teammates would be kind of awkward, but at the mention of display of trust, Rodney's mind had immediately gone to knives and blood, so this was a relief.

Well, it had been at first. Now that they actually stood here and were about to perform the display of trust that the natives had asked of them, Rodney couldn't help feeling weird.

John stood stock-still next to him, looking no more relaxed than he would have, had they been asked to juggle knives.

The others didn't make a move either, and with the natives looking on, Teyla eventually stepped up and turned to Ronon. "Why don't we start?"

Rodney could see John deflate as he sighed in relief. Rodney didn't join him. It wasn't as if this would buy them a lot of time. Teyla had explained that the natives would expect more than a little peck, but even a kiss that demonstrated the trust they had in each other—whatever she meant by that—wouldn't last too long.

And then one of them would be next. Or both.

Rodney shook himself, trying not to think of kissing John because...well, he wasn't thinking about that.

He watched Ronon and Teyla lean forward and press their lips together in a closed mouthed kiss. It reminded Rodney of when they touched their foreheads together in the Athosian gesture of friendship. It looked nice, actually.

And surprisingly unsexy, considering how hot Teyla and Ronon were. Of course, Teyla was quite happy with Kanaan, and Ronon and Amelia were seeing a lot of each other lately, so this was friendship and nothing more, and Rodney knew that.

When Teyla and Ronon parted, they shared a smile then turned to the others.

Next to Rodney, John tensed again.

So did Rodney for that matter. Watching Ronon and Teyla kiss was weird, but he didn't feel about it the way he felt about the prospect of watching John kiss Teyla or Ronon.

He knew that John would probably be terribly awkward about it, but for some reason, Rodney couldn't help imagining that he wasn't, that the kiss would be natural and _right_ and...Rodney felt inexplicably bothered by the thought.

John made no move at all, either to be next or to tell Rodney to go ahead.

It was once again Teyla who spoke. "John, why don't we go next?"

John swallowed and took the few steps towards her. She gave him an encouraging smile and then leaned forward, John hesitating for a moment before he did the same.

In that first second, Rodney dropped his gaze unable to watch, but then he couldn't look away. John had his arms stiffly at his side. Rodney would bet that the only reason he wasn't pulling away already was because Teyla had explicitly told them to avoid anything that might appear as if the kiss wasn't genuine.

Then he could see John relax slightly, and Rodney felt something—jealousy—rush through him. He looked away, suddenly afraid of what he might see on their faces when they parted.

It was in that moment that Ronon stepped up to him. "McKay," was the only thing he said before leaning forward and planting a kiss on Rodney's mouth.

It was close-mouthed, but Rodney was still surprised and felt himself struggling a bit until Ronon squeezed his arm not too gently and Rodney remembered that they were doing this to demonstrate their trust in each other.

He forced himself to calm down and thought about the times he and Ronon had saved each other's lives, how through all the teasing, Ronon showed that he cared about Rodney, how they'd become friends over the years.

When Ronon eventually pulled away, Rodney smiled awkwardly at him and Ronon grinned.

With a small amount of trepidation, Rodney turned to John and Teyla, but they'd stopped kissing and were looking at Rodney and Ronon.

John was looking at Rodney. There was a slight frown on his face. It wasn't anger or worry. Rodney wasn't sure what exactly he saw in his eyes.

"Sheppard, you're next," Ronon said next to him.

John's gaze moved to Ronon, and he and Rodney switched places. Teyla smiled at Rodney, and Rodney smiled back. Before he kissed Teyla, however—and he had a fleeting thought about how much the thought of kissing Teyla would have excited him a long time ago—he couldn't help glancing at Ronon and John.

Ronon smiled at John, and Rodney felt himself tense as they both leaned forward. He noticed that John didn't even hesitate this time, and he felt that pang of jealousy again. The kiss was as chaste as all the others had been, but the seconds that ticked by felt like hours to Rodney, and suddenly he felt certain that this had to have lasted a lot longer than the other kisses, that kissing Ronon was special to John, that... He didn't even want to articulate his fears and what they meant.

Rodney looked away then, unable to watch more of this. His gaze fell on Teyla, who looked at him with compassion. She lifted her hand and gently stroked his cheek with the back of her fingers, before leaning in and kissing him.

Teyla's lips were soft, and the kiss felt soothing, as if she wanted to comfort Rodney over what he'd just witnessed. Rodney was grateful, but it also made him feel worse, because if Teyla felt the need to comfort him, she must have seen the same thing that he had, and he still had the vague hope that he wasn't right.

They parted, and Rodney smiled at Teyla before taking a deep breath and turning to John and Ronon. He half expected them to gaze longingly into each other's eyes, but John was looking at Rodney, that same unreadable expression on his face that he'd had before.

Rodney felt unaccountably relieved. Ronon and Teyla moved closer together and exchanged a look, and unspoken conversation going on between them, before they turned to John and Rodney.

John swallowed again and tensed, and it suddenly occurred to Rodney that they still hadn't kissed. In his paranoia, he'd completely forgotten about that part.

He would kiss John.

He wasn't even sure how he felt about that. It was much easier to accept—if not understand—the unfounded jealousy he seemed to feel at anyone getting close to John. He'd never consciously thought about kissing John.

Which, come to think of it, was a bit strange, considering how much time he spent feeling aggravated over John kissing other people.

But now he'd not just have to think about it, he'd have to actually do it.

John dropped his gaze for a moment, before taking a step towards Rodney, when a native spoke up. "Thank you for your display of trust. We now have no doubt in the sincerity of your bond as a team, and will gladly begin negotiations so that in time our peoples may share the same trust that you show among yourselves and that we praise so highly amongst us."

John stopped abruptly, just as Rodney opened his mouth to protest. They hadn't kissed yet. He didn't say it out loud, though, because some part of him realized that they'd just gotten off the hook. And one of the rules that had been drilled into him over the years was that you didn't remind the natives of things they wanted to do to you against your will.

Not that this would be against Rodney's will—exactly. It would be... Rodney watched as John looked at Teyla, confused. Teyla just made a little gesture with her hand and gave them a look to just roll with it.

John nodded and glanced at Rodney. He didn't look relieved that they didn't have to do this. He dropped his gaze, looking thoughtful for a moment before turning to the natives, who announced the official beginning of the trade negotiations.

They wouldn't kiss.

Rodney knew that intellectually there was no reason to feel disappointed by this. Unless he wanted to kiss John. Which he had no reason to do.

The negotiations began, and Rodney tried not to think about the kisses and his feelings. He was successful in that he avoided examining his unfounded—and watching John with Teyla and Ronon made him certain that it was unfounded—jealousy or at least the reason for it.

His feelings for John had always been somewhat beyond the realm of understanding for him. He'd never had a relationship like the one he had with John, and he'd made a habit of just taking it all as it came.

But what he couldn't shake, try as he might, was the feeling that he should have gotten to kiss John.

Even ignoring the reasons—which Rodney was determined to do for now—he felt the uncompleted ritual hammering in the back of his mind, shouting that they weren't done yet.

John was quiet as Teyla did most of the talking through the trade negotiations. Rodney couldn't see any particular difference in him. He was a bit more tense than bored, but after being asked to perform a ritual—even a harmless one—that might be natural. John was always alert on missions, even if he tried to display casual ease.

What Rodney didn't see was any sign that John had similar feelings about their lack of kissing, so he tried to ignore it and just get done with this mission as soon as possible.

Unfortunately it wasn't as simple.

They eventually made their way back through the gate, and Teyla politely declined any specifics when Woolsey asked about the ritual in the debriefing. The whole episode would only appear in mission reports in vague terms, and there was no reason that Rodney should even still think about it.

But his mind was on little else all through the briefing and when Jennifer examined him. She must have seen something on his face, and for a second Rodney was sure that she would ask if everything was all right with him. He had no idea how to answer that, because saying, "I'm apparently upset that I didn't kiss Sheppard," would be absurd. The fact that they'd dated at some point would only make it more awkward.

But thankfully Jennifer didn't say anything, so Rodney was free to go and bury himself in work to finally find blissful distraction.

But even that didn't seem to work.

His mind kept coming back to the ritual. The kiss between each of them. Four parts of a whole, each connected through trust and friendship in their own way, demonstrating that trust in a simple but profound gesture.

Except John and Rodney.

It was at this realization that Rodney got up to go and find John. He still didn't examine the range of emotions that he'd felt during the ritual and about John in general, but he didn't need a detailed analysis to know that it felt wrong that only John and Rodney hadn't kissed and why.

As he approached John's office, Rodney began to feel nervous. He was aware that his insistence to finish the ritual might seem weird. Maybe Sheppard would even make fun of him for it, but he needed to do this for his own peace of mind.

He knocked and entered. John was a bit surprised to see him. "What's up?" he asked.

"I, uhm," Rodney started but couldn't go on. He might have miscalculated just how awkward it would be to essentially ask to kiss John.

"Is this about the ritual?" John asked.

Rodney was relieved that he didn't have to say it. "Yes."

John looked at him, then got up and walked around his desk, leaning against it next to Rodney.

They didn't speak for a long moment, just standing next to each other.

Eventually, Rodney had to break the silence. "I know it's weird, but..."

"We should complete the ritual," John finished for him.

"Yes," Rodney said, turning to John. He wasn't entirely sure if John felt the same or if he was just humoring Rodney, but it was enough for Rodney that he was willing to go along with it. Assuming he was.

John stood up straight and turned to Rodney. He gave him a smile, but it looked a bit forced and there was a frown on his face. He certainly didn't look as if he desperately needed to do this the way Rodney did.

"I just feel that if we, you know, with the others," Rodney tried to explain.

John swallowed and said, "I know, Rodney." He still didn't look like felt the same, but Rodney didn't want to back out now.

He stepped forward and pressed his lips on John's, trying to remember Teyla's words about how they should put their trust into the kiss.

Rodney trusted John with his life. He trusted John to know what Rodney wanted and needed. He trusted John to support him or stop him when nobody else would. He trusted John to know how to make Rodney rant and rave and laugh and glare. He trusted John like he'd trusted nobody else in his life.

And it felt good to express that trust.

Eventually Rodney pulled back. When he opened his eyes, John was looking at him with understanding, a hint of amusement, and a certain weariness.

It was the last that made Rodney lift his hand to John's face, stroking his cheek with the back of his fingers, mirroring Teyla's gesture from earlier.

John's expression changed, and he swallowed. He didn't say anything, though. Rodney was very aware that he still had his hand on his face. It had seemed natural if unusual when Teyla had done it to him, but now it occurred to Rodney that between him and John it was more than a bit unusual.

It was intimate in a way that no longer had anything to do with the ritual.

Neither of them moved, and Rodney knew that whatever they did next would define their relationship for a long time, maybe forever. He thought about the feelings of jealousy that he hadn't wanted to examine further. Now he wished he had because he was pretty certain they would answer all the questions that he had.

But then instead of thinking, he simply looked at John, looked at the emotion in his eyes. Rodney didn't pretend that he could read everything that John thought in this moment. But he realized that he didn't have to. He didn't have to know exactly how John felt and why. Or how he himself felt. It was enough to know that they did.

Closing his eyes, he leaned forward, and this time he didn't keep his mouth closed, didn't _think_ about his feelings for John. He opened his mouth, angled his head, and _felt_ the rush of emotions when John kissed him back.

Trust. Friendship. Love.

At the edge of his consciousness, Rodney felt the realization that his jealousy should have been obvious to him, that he'd had these feelings for John building for years, but then John cupped his face in his hands and deepened the kiss, and Rodney only felt incoherent joy and rightness, lust, protectiveness, so much more, everything and nothing, until it all coalesced into the single feeling of John.

He was dazed when they pulled apart, needing a moment or two until he remembered the world around him and opened his eyes.

John looked wrecked but happy. Rodney smiled at him, and John smiled back.

Rodney was too overwhelmed to speak, which was a rare occurrence. He leaned forward until their foreheads were touching.

"Some ritual," John said.

Rodney snorted. "The best," he managed to say.

John pulled him close and pressed his face against Rodney's temple, before kissing his cheek. It was such a sweet gesture that Rodney had to pull back and smile.

John ducked his face, flushing. "I, uhm, should finish my report," he said, still not meeting Rodney's eyes, though he smiled.

"And I should go back to the lab. I was...too distracted earlier to get much done," Rodney said.

John looked up at him and grinned. "Teyla would be proud to know how serious you took the ritual."

Rodney smiled, thinking of all the times that she had admonished him not to be openly dismissive of a ritual. He wasn't sure if he'd be better at that in the future.

But he knew that this was without a doubt the best ritual they'd ever been asked to perform.


End file.
